Just when you thought the insanity of cancel culture couldn’t get any crazier, it just did. We’ve watched decades-old pancake syrup symbols get canceled. Beloved children’s book characters have been canceled. Iconic butter logos have evaporated. Sports’ teams are left mascot-less.
We need to appreciate that cancel culture targets people, places and even things. Nothing is outside its crosshairs. The reasons for getting canceled usually revolve around some heinous behavior. Sure, some people do bad things and earn well-deserved condemnation for such.
However, many of the targets of this “wave of crazy calls for societal cancellation” are inanimate objects. Statues are a huge focal point of the “wacko wokies”. If anything offends these sensitive souls, it needs to be erased. There’s no debate. There’s no discussion. It must go.
Cartoons, especially, have been under a weary assault from the cancel culture mob. An iconic Warner Brothers skunk, Pepé Le Pew, was canceled for seemingly being a little too provocative with a lady cat. When we first heard this one, we thought it was a bad joke. It wasn’t.
The cancel culture police skunked a cartoon skunk. Charles Blow, a radical New York Times rag contributor, instigated the whole Pepé the Pew scandal. Somehow, we’re not surprised. Books have been canceled. If a t-shirt slogan offends some wokie, expect it to be up for cancellation.
It’s like a modern-day lynching. However, don’t tell the woke mob that. Actor Rowan Atkinson, aka Mr. Bean, said it pretty succinctly. He sees cancel culture as “a medieval mob looking for someone to burn.” No one is exempt from this radical legion of doom.
It doesn’t matter how long ago someone did something or said something wrong. If you made an irredeemably insensitive comment as a teenager, expect to feel the wrath of the cancel culture police. Again, it’s a mob looking for victims; often innocent victims.
The cancel culture police incessantly attack politicians, conservatives, of course. President Donald Trump has been the most prominent. Two social media companies slammed shut the former president’s ability to communicate on social media. It’s a disgrace.
Even though a chunk of the things targeted by cancel culture seem senseless, we’d think candy would avoid prosecution. Nope, cancel culture and the wokists’ all-inclusive agenda just hit one of America’s favorite little chunks of chocolate, some with peanuts.
M&M’s are either racist or homophobic; we’re uncertain which. Or at least that’s the opinion of the cancel culture police. So, the problem needs to be corrected by making these little bite-sized delights “all-inclusive”. Yep, we’re not kidding.
Mars Wrigley owns the M&M Candy franchise. The obviously “woke company” issued a heartfelt statement about their beloved little candy guys and gals. They announced “a global commitment to creating a world where everyone feels they belong and society is inclusive.”
Sure, we’re all for things that make society better. Everybody deserves to feel like they belong. That should be a noble goal for every human being. But how in the world can candy be all-inclusive? Well, we’re about to expose you to some of the craziest cancel culture notions yet.
You see, the little green ones in your M&M bag, their “peachy legs” and “stiletto boots” are somehow potentially offensive. No kidding, that’s one of the company’s all-inclusive changes. Some M&M eater, in their infinite wisdom, felt the “green guys” were too sexualized.
We’re sorry, but if someone can generate sexualized thoughts about a green, bite-sized piece of candy, there’s a specially padded room necessary. Now, the brown M&M’s didn’t avoid scrutiny either. They must have the heels on their little boots lowered to “professional height”.
We’ll give you a chance to catch your breath if you’re laughing as hard as we did. Oh, and the little rivalry between the green and brown M&M’s? That’s over. Company spokespersons insist these rival candies will be “together, throwing shine and not shade”.
Now, there were some very positive changes made. Ahem. The little orange M&M’s will finally get their sneakers tied properly. I guess that must have broadcast some sort of “slacker” connotation. And we’re certain everyone is left asking one critical question.
What are they going to do with those big bullies, the red M&M’s? These nefarious red instigators will now start to be nicer to their fellow candy members. Take a deep breath now. The wave of cancel culture is so far out of control, it’s impossible to keep up.
Sometimes it’s funny, but usually it’s not. Kansas City Chiefs and Atlanta Braves fans better leave their favorite headdress at home on game day. The Washington Redskins are now a mascot-less team. The Cleveland Indians bid a fond farewell to Chief Wahoo.
This is a crackdown on things that seem meaningless. If it weren’t so sad, it really would be funny. However, these clowns are totally serious. Better clean up your act, “Donald”. You’re one “Duck” who might be the next victim on these “quack’s” list to be publicly “tarred and feathered”.
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